McCain Wins Debate!

As much as I love a simple three-word, exclamatory sentence, I'd like to think this humble page is more modest than John McCain's latest web ad:

Tonight's results, today.

Aside from their obvious troubles with chronology, the McCain camp seems simply not to believe in hypocrisy. This is, after all, a debate which John McCain refused to attend, that is, until the financial crisis was thwarted, and, however, having not thwarted said financial crisis, has declared himself winner of the previously disavowed debate, which, by the way, he will now be attending... five hours from now.

But, naturally, there's a rational explanation for this. My sources tell me, contrary to stories stating otherwise, that John McCain and his adviser Steve Schmidt had a disagreement this morning over whether to order Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks for breakfast. Schmidt favored the former, though McCain insisted on the latter. After several minutes of vigorous back-and-forth on the merits of each option, the two decided on Starbucks, as evinced by this photo taken of John and Cindy McCain headed to Mississippi for the debate:

So, as it turns out, the "McCain Wins Debate!" ad was probably just some intern's idea of a "neat way to celebrate" breakfast. Probably.